mixtape maestro (2.0)

If Fat Joe was to announce his retirement now few would be moved to care. Matter of fact you’d probably get a few under-breath mumbles of “What took him so long?”. Around Big Pun’s death there was a brief moment when it looked like Fat Joe could actually be a rapper to watch, but a series of watered-down radio singles with A-list guests and producers that overshadowed him and a mafioso demeanor that scared none found him to be nothing to really get excited over. Yet, even as his already thinned relevance continues to diminish away, he refuses to quit. On the verge of his eighth album, the slightly humorously-titled The Elephant in the Room, the recently South-friendly BX emcee once again aims for heavy rotation with the J. Holiday-featured “I Won’t Tell”.

The plot, which could only really exist in his dreams, follows him carrying a secret affair with the girlfriend of an Atlanta Hawk team member. That she may only be dealing with him because he keeps her in the flyest gear and hottest rides completely goes over his head, but then again the man also thinks that tired references to his mega-sized jewelry constitutes a hot verse.

As what’s sadly become expected when it comes to a Crack track, everything else involved here works on a decent level. The drum track and sprite keyboard flourishes provide a relaxing, candy-coated backdrop and the sweet vocals of J. Holiday, despite not being the most distinctive R&B presence, makes you wish he was the star of the cut instead of the other way around. If anything, “I Won’t Tell” will give 50 Cent enough comedy material for the next month or so.

DL: “I Won’t Tell” (YFH)