Black Eyed Peas “The Time (the dirty bit)”

Because you just know that, whether they choose to publicly admit or not, there’s somebody somewhere having a private nervous breakdown because there isn’t a new Black Eyed Peas record out there dominating the radio, television and Internet waves, the unstoppable hip-pop quartet have re-emerged from their hiatus of, what, three minutes to calm the starved down, launching a brand new era of worldwide domination/ ubiquity with the around-the-corner release of new album The Beginning led by first single “The Time (the dirty bit)”.

To put it simply, “The Time” is basically “Imma Boom Boom Pow That Body (Revisited)” for the fist-pump sect: more “futuristic” electro-pop sonic wiggling, more super-dumb stabs at “rap lyricism” (“We ain’t messin’ with no maggots/ Messin’ with the baddest/ Chicks in the club/ Honey, what’s up?”) and more “Fergie-liciousness”, this time all stapled against the hook from Dirty Dancing‘s cheese-irrific “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” (yes, for realz).

Of course it’s stupid and we feel like the world would be so much better off if it didn’t exist, but has that ever mattered in the history of the BEP since Fergie came on board? No, it’s going to be inescapable for the next six months and probably break all kinds of Billboard charts/ iTunes download records, and after spending so much time avoiding it and hating on it as “non-music”, the majority of us will eventually succumb to its ways and begin slavishly bopping about to that (admittedly quite sick) synth beat on the verses and goofily singing along to the Dirty Dancing bits while trying to inform the “could-care-less” kiddies of the greatness of Baby and Johnny Castle’s love.

Expect a bajillion new remixes of it by this time next week.

The Beginnings drops November 30th.

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