mixtape maestro (2.0)

An unreleased/ un-mixed cut from some previous album era, this T.I./ Fergie/ Will.i.am collaboration isn’t as atrocious as you would think a song merging the three artists would be (read: with a little polish, we could actually see it being a Top 40 summer heater, a la “Whatever You Like”), but beyond Tip committing some fairly solid verses in line with the track’s groupie love concept and Will’s production work making nod-worthy use of what sounds to be a “Genius of Love” sample, “Down Like That” is never able to really shake it’s all-around meh-ness.

We wouldn’t necessarily mind some other rapper (who we aren’t expecting some super-amazing, post-prison street poetry from) tackling it though.

DL: “Down Like That” (alt)

We have a confession to make.

For the past couple weeks-starting with our delayed appreciation for “Boom Boom Pow” and continuing with a fondness for the superb “two-for-one” deal that was “Imma Be”-we’ve slowly come to terms with the fact that we actuallly might kinda love the Black Eyed Peas. GASP! SHOCK! HORROR!

Now don’t worry, we’re not entirely insane (we totally despite their “Mazel Tov”-citing new single, “I Gotta Feeling” for being just a little too damn cheery), but we’ve got to admit that two other E.N.D. tracks that have boiled to the surface recently have got us completely enraptured by the foursome’s shameless, 80′s new wave-meets-hip-pop meshings.

On “Alive”, pinings after an old love might be delivered in the vein of a SNL teen-pop spoof (Notes Fergie: “You are my best friend and boyfriend/ Now it seems like you’re my worst friend/ I gotta do soul searching/ Without you I’m a whole different person…”), but it’s the suave dance sonics subtly bumping beneath the lyrics that ultimately win you over.

That same expert juggling of (guilty)pleasure and heartached Fergie showstealing-ness is captured on the even better “Meet Me Halfway”, an amped-up ballad which bites the soaring drive of The Killers’ “When You Were Young” in it’s epic “oh-oh-oh” melody while The Dutchess commits a solid vocal performance that hints of a newly reinvigorated interest in her old, childhood Cyndi Lauper/ Madonna records.

We’re sure that once we get a full listen to the rest of The E.N.D. and the many embarrassments it’ll no doubt provide, our current kooky infatuation with will, Ferg and the other (less important) two will subside a-plenty, but for the moment, we’re officially getting in line with the millions of other BEP fanatics around the world we used to so enjoy publicly mocking before.

The E.N.D. drops June 9th. As a bonus, peep this nice “(Not Just) Knee Deep”-sampling remix of the Peas’ ’03 single “Shut Up” (found on The E.N.D. Deluxe Edition) below:

DL: “Shut The Phunk Up” (alt)

Fergie is the queen of making you like things you really don’t want to. Admit it, “Fergalicious” was utter crap, and yet, you still couldn’t resist hearing it’s kaleidoscopic fusion of electro beats, corny slang and JJ Fad attitude through the secret confinement of your Ipod speakers when working out at the gym. Hell, she even became one of the few of today’s singers worthy enough to pull off Heart’s “Barracuda”. But just when you thought Fergie’s hold over your soul would end with her releasing a self-empowerment ballad as her next single, she goes and makes it yet another deceptively irresistible tune to sing-along to.

Since she’s buddies with Will.I.Am, a man known for being quirky at all times, nothing with Fergie can be straight forward either. “Big Girls Don’t Cry” follows a wispy, acoustic guitar melody and an engaging storyline of a woman forging her own independence for the first time. For anybody else, this Cyndi Lauper-esque number would work, but it’s quite boring coming from a woman who found a way to be a lady and still dance like a ho. That’s until she throws in weird metaphors about toddler’s blankies and the joys of “jacks and Uno cards”, like she’s unable to be serious even for a good four minutes.

It’s such random childhood imagery that makes “Big Girls Don’t Cry” the latest delightfully wacky entry from the Black Eyed Peas’ cartoonish empire and another reason why we won’t ever be able to do away with “Miss Fergy-Ferg” entirely. Our resistance is futile.

What is it about Fergie that makes people all angry? Is it the fact that since she’s joined Black Eyed Peas we can’t escape their presence? Is it her obsession with spelling every damn thing all the time? Maybe because she amazingly built a platinum solo career off of lame White girl raps you can’t resist singing along to alone in the car? Whatever the case, she’s probably made herself an even bigger target by covering one of the greatest rock songs ever!

Found on the soundtrack to Shrek The Third, Fergie takes a break from all the hip hop posing to indulge in her inner “rawk grrl”, gathering the nerve to make a go at Heart’s spine-tinging, shred-heavy classic “Barracuda”. Without even hearing it, you get the feeling that this is going to be an epic embarrassment. What, were Pink, Christina Aguilera, Kelly Clarkson and Amy Lee all too busy?

Obviously, Fergie is no Ann Wilson. Hell, no one can match the rock goddess at her most Led Zep-inspired late ’70′s peak, but Fergie surprisingly does her thing with this spot-on rendition. Since the BEP hook singer has spent much of the past year “rapping”, you could be forgiven for forgetting that she has a considerable set of fiery pipes. The effortless way she reaches for the ending key note in the line “No right no wrong/ You’re selling a song-a NAAAAAAME!” is guaranteed to get anyone filled in with excitement that this chick is actually pulling this off!! From there, “Barracuda” is pure enjoyment, Fergie hitting every word with the intensity of a woman trying to prove herself to a wary audience. What she lacks in Wilson’s folk vulnerability she completely makes up for in ear-blasting operatic bombast and appreciated soulful ticks that help in giving the song a new flair.

Before you take a cue from Miss “Fergalicious” and piss your pants, Heart’s “Barracuda” still reigns supreme as the definitive version, but Fergie definitely aces the test on this jawdropping cover.

Download: “Barracuda”

As fun as it might’ve been to listen to initially, reggaeton’s uncloaking as a one-trick sound arrived quickly. How many times can producers chuck out the same beat and expect fanatical reaction each time? Even crunk evolved enough to briefly outlast it’s year long domination a while back. Nevertheless Daddy Yankee returns with the usual digital circus hoopla for a tune that doesn’t match the insane inspiration that brought us the delirious, bilingual wackiness of “Gasolina” or “Rompe”.

Those hit singles made you feel like you were missing out on a regional music movement that seemed determined in becoming a prime hip hop subgenre. But now that ears have become accustomed to that standard drum track riddim, expectations are much higher and Yankee’s “Impacto” miserably fails to make the grade.

Typical mindless party fare that has the thrust to play for all eternity if it wanted, “Impacto” feels like Daddy is taking steps back than striving forward as an artist, as if he’s afraid if he budges too far away from the formula he helped popularized, he’ll lose his newfound audience. Fergie’s brief cameo gives the song a better mainstream push (read: more lyrics in English), but her neck-twisting, “London Bridge”/ Feminem shtick has gotten old and she should be barred from saying “Fergalicious” or “promiscuous” ever again.

A “new” track that feels like it’s already been heard over and over before, Daddy Yankee seems to be running in place with this lazy offering.