mixtape maestro (2.0)

If Kanye calls you out as having the potential to be the second G.O.A.T. (behind Eminem, of course), best believe when he calls upon you to bless one of his tracks, the “it” better be brought.

So with that said, it’s no surprise that Nicki Minaj would attempt to drop the best verse of her still young career on the much-talked-about Kanye & Friends posse cut joint “Monster” (from the newly announced upcoming West and Jay-Z EP, Watch The Throne); what is shocking, however, is that she would end up making the rest of her brow-raising trackmates (the song rounds together not only ‘Ye, Jigga and, in a laughably brief cameo, the BAWSE, but indie god Justin Vernon of Bon Iver is employed to play hook man) seem completely irrelevant.

Using West’s sludgy fuzz-bounce as her own personal playground, Minaj adopts like seven different voices and three different flow tempos to slice-and-dice those lesser than (“Let me get this straight/ Wait I’m the rookie?/ But my features and my shows ten times your pay?/ 50k for a verse, no album out!”) and teasingly flaunt her maybe-faux/ maybe-not bisexuality (“Besides ‘Ye, they can’t stand besides me/ I think me, you and Am should menage Friday”), in the end, bringing all kinds of truth to her early boast of “Watch the queen conquer”.

Sure, Kanye earns Runner-up Prize with his naughty-clever “sarcophagus”/ “esophagus”/ “swallow-ship” rhyme, but in her wildly animated contribution, Minaj easily steals the show, re-igniting hope that when her Pink Friday solo album does finally drop this November, it’ll feature more of this playfully raw side…

…and less of the questionable bubblegum tendencies that dominate second recent leak “Check It Out”, a will.i.am production/ duet that unnecessarily twists The Buggles’ early days of MTV hit “Video Killed The Radio Star” into a typical BEP electro-hop jam for the Top 40-loving teenybopper crowd (and will likely become one of the biggest, most inescapable, radio hits of the fall season).

Sigh, Minaj. You’re so promising, yet so frustrating.

Kanye West – Monster (feat. Rick Ross, Jay-Z, Nicki Minaj & Bon Iver)

Nicki Minaj & will.i.am – Check It Out

Yes, co-signing with what everybody else with Internet access this past week has already screamed at you probably a million times over now: Cee-Lo‘s “Fuck You” is brilliant/ genius/ amazing/ the true song of the summer we’ve been waiting for/ one of the greatest records of not only this year, but, perhaps, all time.

An expletive-laced diss at an ex-flame/ gold-digger and her big ballin’ new man packaged as a cheery ’60′s Motown-pop romp and delivered through Cee-Lo’s heaven-sent soulful belts? With all of these elements involved, of course “Fuck You” was going to stir some deafening Web buzz; but for us what makes the song’s near-instantaneous universal embracing even more special is that, just like with the similar viral explosion response to that early leak of Gnarls Barkley’s “Crazy” waaaay back in 2005, it re-positions Cee-Lo as the hottest pop and soul star in all of music land, an awesome reality to digest when you look at the comparably insignificant assembly-line bots most of the major labels are desperately pushing to have in those roles these days.

Fingers are crossed that when “Fuck You”‘s parent album, the Cee-Lo solo outing The Lady Killer, drops on December 7th, it’ll feature more of these modern classics to keep him perched atop that throne where he rightfully belongs.

Cop the single over at Cee’s website, then after the clip, snatch up Emynd‘s killer B-more club remix as well as an old Cee-Lo-featured fave.

“Fuck You”:

BONUS DL: Cee-Lo x Emynd “Fuck You (Emynd Baltimore Club Edit)” (alt)

BONUS DL: Dungeon Family (featuring Cee-Lo, Andre 3000, Big Gipp, Backbone, Big Boi & Sleepy Brown) “Trans DF Express” (alt)

It seems like every three months brings about some new teen rap group emerging out of whatever regional pocket of the nation to push some new fashion/ dance/ hip hop sub-genre movement for the young’un set to heavily obsess over then just as quickly forget about a season later. Right now that group is Cali Swag District, an Inglewood quartet riding the viral sensation wave with their minimalist, cowbell-laced single/ how-to “Teach Me How To Dougie”.

Naturally, with us being grown folk and all, we’re left feeling ambivalent towards CSD and their “hit”, distracted in trying to figure out how they tie in to the New Boyz or The Pack, if at all, but we will admit to appreciating how simple the “Dougie” dance is to master, especially when compared to the overly-complex physical workout that is “jerking”.

But back to why we’re even mentioning “Teach Me How To Dougie” here in the first place: it’s all-star remix, which features Jermaine Dupri (always eager to attach himself to the latest hot kiddie rap craze), Red Cafe, Bow Wow and B.o.B, who rides the beat best here with another welcome dose of his energetic flow and charismatic rhyme-play (“I hit her with that flex/ So she get impressed/ You heard what I said/ Hit her with a text/ Then she know what’s next…”).

Catch the video to the original so you can get your “Dougie” practice on, then grab the remix afterward.

Cali Swag District – Teach Me How To Dougie

Cali Swag District (follow @caliswagdstrct) | MySpace Music Videos

DL: “Teach Me How To Dougie (Remix)” (alt)

BONUS DL: Katy Perry feat. Snoop Dogg & Cali Swag District “California Gurls (Remix)” (alt)

Because we can’t comfortably rest until we’ve heard Young Money’s still-ridiculously fire “Bed Rock” re-fashioned under the sound of every hip hop sub-genre that ever was, peep this Emynd-helmed remix of the track, twerked out old-school booty bass style.

Whoomp, here it is. (shouts)

“Bed Rock (Emynd Pillow Bass Remix)”:

DL: “Bed Rock (Emynd Pillow Bass Remix)” (alt)

Coming off what many considered 2009′s top R&B release (Love Vs. Money), it’s hard not to be left a little underwhelmed by “Love King”, the first single and title track to The-Dream‘s next (and possibly last) album.

Built atop a floaty, snap-laden midtempo groove perked with candied piano plinks and punctuating “Ey”‘s, the song is nothing more than a cut-and-paste patchwork of the singer/ songwriter/ producer/ “ey”-er’s usual bag o’ musical quirks, this time tied together by a thin concept (The-Dream has tons and tons of chicks at his beck and call) that’s in dire need of much stronger goofball lyricism than “Got girls with weaves/…Girls without it” and “Got girls on my Sprint/ My AT&T/ Got girls on T-Mobile/ Metro if it’s local”.

Yeah, it’s “Shawty Is The Shit”-meets-”Rockin’ That Thing” soundbed is perfect riding-to material, but if The-Dream really wants to finally nab some Grammy nods this time around (we, the people, can only endure so many Twitter rants), he’s going to have to conclude his solo album trilogy on the high note it demands with far better offerings than watered-down regurgitations from the same stylistic template.

Love King drops in May.

DL: “Love King” (alt)

If it’s any consolation though Dream, we’re definitely digging you’re rap verse on this all-star “How Low (Remix)”:

BONUS DL: Ludacris featuring Rick Ross, Twista, The-Dream, Ciara & Pitbull “How Low (Remix)” (alt)

At one point we would have been more than happy to hear every rapper possible be featured on endless remixes of Consequence‘s “Whatever You Want” because the track was just…that…good. Two mixes later though, we gotta admit that that idea has lost much of it’s appeal.

Most of that weariness arises from the fact that this much-anticipated third “Whatever” installment (a Bad Boy Remix, hyping the reunion of Diddy and once-again-protégées The LOX) completely fumbles at re-creating the fun-loving air of it’s predecessors.

We get that the street-toughened LOX never settled comfortably with the glittery suits/ money flashing/ ’80′s-pop sampling goings-on that framed Bad Boy’s late ’90′s heyday (that was the whole point of them leaving the label in the first place, right?), but you would think that given this second (Third? Fourth?) chance had a career re-ignition, the boys would sound a little more inspired than they do here.

Instead, they come across like they lost some sort of bet and were forced to appear here, contributing oh-so-bored verses about living the lavish life that make being wealthy feel as entertaining as clipping your toenails. Even Diddy, King of the Monotone Mic Presence, reads fatigued, sleep-walking his way through “throw your hands in the air” hype-man orders as if distracted by the thoughts of the hundred and one other things he’d rather be doing at the moment.

What’s the point of being excited about a LOX/ Diddy reconciliation if all the members involved still sound as disinterested in the situation as they did before the split up?

DL: “Whatever U Want (Bad Boy Remix)” (alt)

Seeing as though we were so late in discovering the awesomeness that was the original, it’s only fitting that we would be as equally tardy in finding out the G.O.O.D. Music crew hooked up for a sequel, right?.

Whatevs. Now featuring guest turns from Kid Cudi, Common and Big Sean, as well as new verses from Con and West, this new posse-stylized rendering of the cut succinctly satisfies our wish of giving us an elongated serving of the track’s mesmerizing swirl of a hook/ beat, one of the most under-appreciated aural combinations of the year.

DL: “Whatever You Want (Remix)” (alt)

After spending the entire summer getting most of the country to sing along with their “so not for children” desire to boink every female on the planet, the over-sized Young Money clique finally get around to releasing a new single with “Bedrock”, and as a repeat of previous single “Every Girl”‘s winning recipe of radio-(and summer-)friendly production with horn-ball lyrics (though this time with a couple more YM employees and solo R&B crooner Lloyd added into the mix), and an upgrade from the previously leaked incarnation “Girl You Know” (that earlier take featured a slightly different Wayne verse and brief Young Money member Omarion horribly straining his way through an inferior hook), it mostly succeeds in laying the path for another full season of airplay domination.

Supported by a Kane Beatz-helmed…um, beat that’s damn near worth the price of admission alone, conjuring up this candy-coated sense of vertigo with it’s ear-tickling loop of rapidly tip-toeing keyboard/ synth work, “Bedrock” unfortunately gets off to a lame start with un-inspiring opening verse contributions from Weezy (definitely texting it in here) and Gudda Gudda, who comes up shamefully flat on at least two occasions (“I see me with her/ No Stevie Wonder” + “I got her nigga/…Grocery bag” = someone needs to retake Clever Rap Punchlines 101).

But following that introductory misfire, “Bedrock” quickly rights itself with good-to-great lyrical turns from Drake (“I love your sushi rolls/ Hotter then wasabi”), Tyga and Lil’ Kim sequel/ token female member Nicki Minaj (her squeaky voice may be edge-of-annoying, but damn if it doesn’t sound good hosting lines like “Maybe it’s time to put this pussy on your sideburns”) as well as the usually reliable Lloyd hiccuping “Call me Mr. Flintstone/ I can make your bed rock girl” in that weightless, “sixth member of New Edition circa ‘Candy Girl’” tone of his.

Hear the cut below, followed by “A.D.I.D.A.S”, a Soulja Boy-esque mixtape entry from Georgia rapper Travis Porter that was the original holder of “Bedrock”‘s contagious beat.

DL: “Bedrock” (alt)

DL: “A.D.I.D.A.S.” (alt)

Cassie has so many odds stacked against her (a barely there voice; disastrous live performance attempts; being the owner of one of those rare Weezy-featuring tunes that flops real hard; being more popular in 2009 for her “shocking” haircut, leaked nude pics, and the “is-she-or-isn’t-she with Diddy?” gossip rag banter than anything music-related) that it’s a wonder why she even persists on still having a singing career when she can simply just go on being low-B/ high-C-list famous for…well, being hot.

Not to say that her weightless brand of spacey R&B/ Pop isn’t appreciated (especially amongst the sects of anonymous hook singer-craving producers and “puny-voiced starlets over electro beats”-loving critics, to which her nonchalant presence holds a certain appeal), it’s just that after debuting with something as strong as her summer of ’06 seducer “Me & U”, no argument would have been made for her just as quickly disappearing back into model-land semi-obscurity and becoming this decade’s equivalent of 1990′s one-(and-a-half-)hit-wonder INOJ.

Nevertheless, she’s once again returned to re-launch her long-delayed sophomore set, Electro Love, with the Mario Winans/ Bryan Michael Cox-produced “Must Be Love”, a wispy midtempo ballad that sets Cassie and guest star Diddy on opposite ends of a life-altering new romance.

Fluttery Spanish guitar strums and distant ringings give it a light and pretty ambience and there’s a certain heated undertone ‘neath Cassie’s whisper-thin musings as she comes to terms with her feelings, but damn if the song doesn’t threaten to put you to sleep at every turn, Diddy’s monotone verses lacking the burst of energy “Must Be Love” begs for.

Thankfully the Bad Boy CEO helps rescue the underwhelming number by firing up one of those all-star remixes he used to pull off so well and crowding up the listless groove with strong guest turns from Busta Rhymes, R&B boy band Day26 and underground rap favorite/ new Bad Boy signee Red Café. Yeah, when placed betwixt the male personalities Cassie feels more like an afterthought on her own record, but the sequel definitely ends up carrying more of a worthwhile heft than the original.

Catch the main version’s video below, than snatch up the remix afterward.

Electro Love is expected to be released sometime later this year (though if this record doesn’t catch on, don’t get your hopes up too high conerning an actual release).

DL: “Must Be Love (Remix)” (alt)

The ever-busy Kid Cudi is sure to continues his dominance over all things Web with “I Poke Her Face”, a new (whispers) BJ anthem that wittily samples Lady Gaga’s…erm, interesting acoustic version of “Pokerface” (you know, the quirky, piano-supported rendition she played at the beginning of last week’s “American Idol” performance that probably left millions of viewer’s scratching their heads in confusion).

Bridged by a clever hook (“I make her say (Oh oh oh, oh oh oh)/ When I (po-po-po-poke her face, po-po-poke her face)”), Cudi and trackmates Kanye West and Common keep the giggles going on with their respective naughty verses. Out of the three, it’s West who steals the cut (as usual), opening his contribution with that all-too-important ID check (“Hold up/ Born in ’88?/ How old is that?/ Old enough”) while later beading together the killer ending line rhymes of “skull-iosis”, “cum-atosis” and “osmosis”.

But hands down, the winner of the most alarming single line has to go to Common with this to-the-point eyebrow-raiser: “But they say ‘You be on that conscious tip’/ Get your head right and get upon this conscious dick”. Tsk tsk Common, now we demand you wash your mouth out with some hemp soap this instant!

Can’t wait to see what Miss Ga Ga has to say in response to this, or better yet, what other rapper is dying to swagger-swipe this joint for their own freestyle riffing (cause you know a thousand and one of those are already currently being recorded).

DL: “I Poke Her Face” (alt)